Dear Universal Studios...

I have decided to inform you that I will not be attending your movie The Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift, or as I've come to call it The Movie so Bad, They Couldn't Get Paul Walker Back For. I know this seems harsh but, seriously, it's not like he's in a place in his career where he can turn down many gigs. In fact, I probably won't see this movie on video either, barring the chance that someone breaks into my house, ties me down, tapes my eyelids open and forces me to watch your steaming pile. Or, perhaps, a "friend" sneaks it in on me.

This excludes O'Neal because, while he is a friend, he has crappy taste in movies (except for Star Wars) and I can tell when he's planning something retarded. Like watching Tokyo Drift.

I might see The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything-A Veggie Tales Movie, but that's really only in a liklihood comparison with your aforementioned steaming pile.

I hope you don't hold this against me. I plan on getting most of my drifting action in Midnight Club 3, some of which will actually be in "Tokyo" (the Remix has a Tokyo level), but there will be no "Kid from Slingblade". Or Paul Walker.

Sincerely,

Adam "Noise Monkey" Askins

P.S. Try making more good movies. I hear it helps.